Sometimes it's really hard for me to articulate how I feel or what I think about, well, everything. It's not that I think I'm stupid... I just don't think I have a way with words like others do. This bothers me. Especially because I hope that one day I will be able to properly explain how I felt about the person in this picture. How he really made me feel, and how much of a difference he made in my life. But maybe, that's not really all that important. Maybe it's enough to know what I feel in my heart, and know that he is watching over me.
Today marks the four year anniversary of my best friend's death. I have come a long way since that day, trust me. Sometimes, I look at this date as a marker of how much I've changed. Where I was a year after, two years after, etc. That day in 2005, I had woken up after a night at the Junior Prom, ready to go to my lacrosse playoff game (which I sat out of, Ari wouldn't have liked that). Today, I have graduation, the "real world", and New York on my mind.
The confidence he gave me, and the things he had taught me, I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I found these e-mails yesterday where he said he was really proud of me for making Varsity Lacrosse and he wanted me to score a goal for him. I know that he would have a similar reaction to the things going on in my life now...and this makes me smile.
The most important thing I would want someone to take from my whole monologue is this: You make a difference to those around you - whether you are aware of it or not. I have been without Ari going on four years now, but his spirit? it's still here... and his confidence in me? I still feel it.
Tell someone how much they mean to you this week.
This life is short, and everyone needs someone they can lean on.
xo
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